Forty Thousand Feet

Apr 19

Written By Naomi Allen

Forty thousand feet up

Weightless sinking into the clouds

Of tears

Weeping silently through the turbulence stained glass

Triple glazed windows a peephole over the land I leave

Taking me forcefully away

But I am a kite

Tethered to a land I don’t belong

But feels more at home than my own

At times

Weeping for the life unlived

For those I leave behind

I would fly Forty thousand feet up again and again

Forty hours

Again and again

Two thousand dollars just to get up in the sky

A one way ticket to get home

Where I blow away with a “wooosh” of a golden haired child

And watch a little face unthaw until she holds my hand

We explore her world together

And I wash her little toes of the dirt from the playground

I would spend it all

Again and again

To hold her little body for an hour

While she peacefully sleeps against me

For an hour coffee

To squeeze their hand

Laugh in the kitchen

Wearing their apron

To touch her belly stretching

Almost

As wide as our love across the sea

For a sleepy good morning

And the hello that holds months of moments

Or years of a life lived

Voice notes and checking time zones that held us together

The hello that weighs deep into the ache of the missing

In the midst of a shopping mall or parked car

When the goodbye is a skip of a heartbeat away

But in the space between that hello and the inevitable goodbye

Hours, days, or weeks later

I fully sink into their presence

I soak it up

Squeezing every last drop out of the clouds

Watering our garden

Moments and words and hugs

That will carry our little garden through

The sprinkles of messages and happy birthdays and

What time works for you?

Is that your morning or mine?

And this in between

Love pouring out like a twisted washcloth

Scares my heart

Because as my heart sings when the drops fall down

I suddenly remember it all ends

And can my heart take that?

How can this little heart love from one continent

Across the ocean

And back again

What I would give for more

Of these precious moments

And for some it is too hard

Or a matter of staying present

But my heart tells me

Or maybe He tells me

To stay

This is how He made me

Not to run and hide

Not to stop watering that little garden

Where our daisies and peonies and proteas grow

To feel deeply

To hold deeply

To love deeply

The garden roses bloom

And sometimes it seems like the drought has come

But my heart tells me

Or maybe He tells me

That watering is costly

But the cost is worth every drop

Loving requires our giving

Letting the clouds open

Soaring high up in the sky

Forty thousand feet

Forty hours

Two thousand dollars

And the heartbreak

But love is worth her little head resting against me

Reaching out for Aunty

Praying hands rested on friends

It is not a luxury

My friend

In the tenderness

I store up in my heart

And count the petals on our flowers

Of years lived together

And smile through the tears

That your heart has been entrusted

To me to water

That your heart has been entrusted

Purposefully

Through jet lagged eyes

Or late night phone calls

Holy moments

When our bodies catch up to our souls

And for a moment

Together

We are here, as close as my heart is to you

My friend

Naomi Allen

Forty Thousand Feet

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